On Motivation for Temptation

Temptation always starts with something benign, simple. A little thought to go look for something with a little flare, or casually spend your time in a way that gets you closer to the line of trouble without crossing it. It's easy to go that far because, well, it's not far. There's virtually no guilt that comes at that point. You tell yourself that you'll back away if you get close to falling for the temptation, and that you can handle it.

Except for that little nag in the back of your mind that is only heard in echo, as it bounces off the far mountain ranges of your mind. It is trying to tell you that your motivations are evil, and you are only looking for trouble. To get closer to any of it is to endanger yourself beyond your capacity to backtrack, it says.

But a little of something that isn't offensive or actually dangerous won't hurt, right? You lull yourself one or two steps in that direction, and act on the temptation. But you quickly discover that there are forces that are working very hard to accelerate you faster than you anticipated. Someone always spikes the punch, and someone always takes your seemingly benign first step and corrupts it with something from the wrong side of the line. You recoil, but it's too late, you've already tasted it. You back away a bit, patting yourself on the back. But now that somebody crossed the line for you, even if only for a brief moment, it's easy to hang around the line. You'll keep a wary eye out for those jerks who pull shenanigans.

Boom. They're too sneaky, and they did it again to you. And now it's even easier to straddle that line, as that nag is getting quieter because you've let it run off. You tell yourself that you need to get out while you still can, but your momentum is hard to stop. Just a little longer, and then you'll stop giving in on your still relatively benign actions. Or are they benign? It's hard to tell, your judgment feels a little bit clouded, but you remember that you didn't go very far in the first place, right?

Wrong. Now it's time for bed, and like a good little saint you have to say your prayers. Except you are scared to say them now, because you don't want to face your Maker over your blunder and slippage. That little voice wanders back in, wagging its finger, saying, “I told you not to, but you didn't listen. Fat lot of good that did you.” You decide to be tough, to ask for forgiveness. You really want it, and you have a part of you that really doesn't want to do that ever again. You really mean it.

The next day, you fall flat on your face, again. The same routine, the same shame, except it was a little easier and the guilt is a little further away. Lather, rinse, repeat. Depression starts to set in, and your ability to stay on the correct side of the line erodes, sometimes so much that it surprises you. You realize that your motivations really were never good in the first place, and that even stepping that direction was a huge waste of time, but it's so hard to stop now. It's nigh unto a habit, if it's not already.

Except you have a choice. You always have a choice. You can always choose to turn back, to stop what you are doing. It's hard, yes, but it is always possible. You have the power to choose to run away from what is causing you to inch, and sometimes tumble outright toward the place you don't want to go. You don't have to become the person that is on the other side of that line.

So you resolve to overcome it, to take the bull by the horns and knock it clean out. But how? It's easy, at least in terms of words:

• Rely on God. Don't you dare stop saying your prayers, even if you feel guilty, because it will do you more harm to stop and will just mean you are in trouble and you are wimpy.
• That little nag is your conscience, and you've got one for a reason. If you keep ignoring it, eventually it'll stop talking to you. So don't ignore it. When you get that sinking feeling in your gut that you're about to step toward something you should not, cut and run. You'll regret it every time you don't listen to that internal voice that says "No, don't do it!" On the other hand, if you listen, you'll find your conscience tells you a lot more than what you shouldn't do, and it can be an incredible asset.
  
• Replace the temptation with something good. If you can pray at night, you can pray anytime, and that might be an excellent time to do so. If you read the scriptures, and have access to them at that time, try that too. Even just redirecting yourself and doing something to keep you busy is better than to just idle around. As they say, idle hands are the devil's workshop. When I was on my mission in Spain we helped someone quit smoking, cold turkey. Conventional wisdom says that's nearly impossible to do, but I beg to differ; the key was that she had to eat fruit or something similar every time she had a craving. Later on it's pretty easy to beat a fruit addiction to get your weight down, so it's an excellent alternative to blackening your lungs. It worked like a charm, even though it was still difficult.
• Avoid the locations and triggers that cause the temptation. For example, if it is questionable images and such on the Internet, don't even go near the sites that would remind you of it. Learn the type of sites that don't seem connected, but where you know there's always going to be some bozo who pushes the envelop and puts something in there designed to accelerate you over that line again. Case in point: if you look for old ROMs of Nintendo games that run on various emulators, that seems pretty benign. In fact, you'd think that kids would be likely to search for that. DO NOT DO IT though, because those sites are usually laced with porn (and boy do those porn makers love to snag kids as young as they can). Just evil. Another case in point is looking up 3D renderings or desktop wallpapers. There are a ton of really neat ones out there, but somebody always has something pornographic or close enough to qualify on just about any site or gallery for those. It's a pretty small sacrifice to just avoid those unless you are at a known-good site that doesn't allow them.

People always feel so much better if they can overcome temptations that beset them, as it puts them in control of their life. Giving in to temptations is something most of the world will say "it is not a big deal," but having control of your thoughts and actions is a huge deal in my opinion. The most heroic people I have ever met are the ones who put aside the typical human tendencies and disciplined themselves into doing something far better. Avoiding and overcoming temptations are nothing short of mastering discipline of oneself.